If you are like most parents you may have anxiety about looking for a child care provider or preschool program. Dropping your child off with a friend or relative for the evening may also make you nervous. This anxiety can be brought on by several factors. One of these factors may be concerns over separation anxiety. Separation anxiety occurs when a child becomes upset over the temporary separation from a caregiver. In most circumstances, it is a normal part of child development. When providing child care referrals at Sierra Nevada Children’s Services (SNCS), we are frequently asked by parents, and even some child care providers, how to deal with separation anxiety.

It may be helpful for you to first understand the development of separation anxiety. At around 6 months of age babies begin to develop a sense of object permanence, or knowing that people and things exist even when they are out of sight. You will notice that as your infant develops she will start to realize when you have walked out of the room to do dishes or laundry by responding with cries. Your child may also become upset when you put her down for a nap and leave the room. Separation anxiety typically begins to peak at around 9 months of age, although when exactly it emerges and how long it lasts can vary from child to child.

Some children may never experience separation anxiety, but if your child does, here are some tips to help ease you and your child through this difficult period:

    *    If you are choosing a new child care setting or taking your child there for the first time, be sure to visit the setting with your child at least once before leaving him there alone.
    *    Plan and practice separations. Help your child understand what will happen by telling her where you are going and reassure her that you will be back.
    *    Try not to leave your child when he is tired, hungry, or sick. All of these make him more restless and susceptible to separation anxiety.
    *    Create a routine when dropping off your child. Make it a habit to give your child a hug and kiss, and wave goodbye each time you leave.
    *    Read a book to your child that deals with separation and going to child care.
    *Take a few minutes to play and spend time with your child in her new environment. Don’t just drop her off and leave.
    *    Be sure to make your good-bye brief. It is important to not let your child’s cries or fussing prolong your departure.
    *    Do not go back after leaving your child because you feel guilty. This will only confuse your child and make the transition more difficult.

It is important for you to prepare for separation anxiety and know what to do when it occurs. Keep in mind that this is a normal phase of childhood, and is only temporary. If you think that your child may be experiencing more than just separation anxiety, do not hesitate to consult with your pediatrician. Extreme anxiety may be a sign of something else, such as separation anxiety disorder. If you would like more information and resources on separation anxiety, visit our office. SNCS offers a wide range of resources to fit your needs, including free internet access, pamphlets, and books (for parents and children) that can be checked out from the Lending Library.

SNCS carries the following children’s books that address this issue:

    *    I Miss You Every Day by Simms Taback
    *    I Am Not Going to School Today! by Robie H. Harris
    *    I Like Where I Am by Jessica Harper
    *    The Runaway Bunny by Margaret Wise Brown
    *    Other titles to look for at your local library or bookstore include:

    *    The Good-Bye Book by Judith Viorst
    *    The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn
    *    Even if I Spill My Milk? By Anita Grossnickle Hines
    *    Benjamin Comes Back by Amy Brandt

References:

Zero To Three

The Nemours Foundation

American Academy of Pediatrics